Living GRACE-fully

Sometimes I lose my way.  It may be because I become too focused on ‘the world’ and less focused on God and serving him.  Other things may temporarily become a priority in my life, like worries, busy schedules, tennis, having fun, money, how I look, how I feel, friendships, work, and the list goes on…Sometimes, it may be because of sin. 

Like a wandering child, Jesus lets me go and make mistakes, then gently brings me back.  He always seeks me out and brings me back into his grace, just as he tells us he will in Matthew 18:12 when he says:

“What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray?  And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.”

It seems that it is a vicious cycle that occurs over and over and over again.  I can almost imagine that he and my guardian angel must have a laugh and roll their eyes each time.

I know, though, that each time I am made stronger by God’s grace and each time I am able to recognize more quickly what is occurring.  During these times, I remain faithful to prayer and Mass, however, my mind tends to wander and I am not as focused or ‘on fire’ for God.  When we experience this, we are said to be in ‘desolation’ and it is a natural part of the faith journey.  Thanks to Saint Ignatius of Loyola and his writings, I am finally aware of this and it is much less discouraging.

During one particularly lengthy time in desolation, Jesus brought me back with the following words that I re-visit frequently to remind me of his love and care for me. I hope these words will comfort you as well:

“My daughter, my precious daughter, have you forgotten me?  Have you forgotten how much I love you? Have you forgotten that I have called you and given you the gifts and graces necessary to answer my call?  How I love you in all your imperfections.  Don’t dwell on them.  Focus on ME.  Come back to me, my child, with all your heart.  You are not lost, for I am always with you.  Look for me in each moment.  I dwell within your heart.  Even when you think you are turning your back on me, I am holding onto you. You are not turning your back on me because you are searching for me.  I see how you struggle.  I see how badly you want to do good and follow me.  I will never reject you. Stay strong.  Strive for holiness.  Continue to call out to me.  Believe.  Believe with all your heart that I am with you and that I love you.  You are mine and I am yours.  Do not be afraid. I have called you and am calling you still. I am calling you to live each moment in my grace, to shine my light wherever you go and to talk about me to others so that they may know my love too.  You know your calling.  Listen for my voice.  Listen for my promptings which I give you when your heart is open and not dwelling on other things.  I am with you.  I love you for all eternity.  How could I not?  I created you and I hold your very life in my hands.  Your breath is my breath.  What you see, I see.  What you hear, I hear.  When your heart is moved to love, It is I who loved first.  When you feel joy, it is my joy.  When you feel sadness, I weep.  When you feel peace, it is my peace.  I am with you always and intimately connected to you for all eternity.”

As long as we live, we are never truly lost.  God will never give up on us.  Any of us. He will continue to seek each of us out to bring us back to him, until our very last breath.